and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
