Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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