His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
