..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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