Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
