The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
