Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
