when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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