Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
