I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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