Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
