This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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