What did we do last night that was yellow?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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