I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
