He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
