Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
