and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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