you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
