Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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