I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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