I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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