i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
