stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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