fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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