So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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