i would punch a child for taco bell
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
