just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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