addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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