New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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