just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
