I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
