I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
