i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize