he shaved USA in his pubs
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
