Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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