Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
