I molested 6 butterflies tonight
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
