Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just gargled with NyQuil
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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