So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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