I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
