I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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