I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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