There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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