all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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