I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
