4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
