If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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