My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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