I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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