He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
