nut hugger
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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