We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
