I CAN MOONWALK!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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