dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize