fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
