actually, I'm a sock model
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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