i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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