Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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