she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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