do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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