It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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