True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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