there's paper in my vomit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
