So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
