we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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