i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize