i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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