Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
