I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
