Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
