You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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