OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
