Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
