I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
