Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize