one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
