i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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