Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
