I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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