Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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