don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
