remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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