made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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