We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
