Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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