I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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