Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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