they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
