halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
