There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
