What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
