I can tuck mytits in my pants
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
