what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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