im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize