Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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