Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
