I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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