The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it was like eating out sand paper
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
