Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
