Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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