just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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