one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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