I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
