That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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