Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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