last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
