Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
