I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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