i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Be still, my beating vagina.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
